


First, Then True

by PaperThinRevolutionary (SingFortissimo)



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: First Heartbreak, First Love, Freeform, M/M, all lowercase, poetry?, stylized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 13:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10023713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SingFortissimo/pseuds/PaperThinRevolutionary
Summary: francis kinloch may have been first love, but alexander was true.





	

first loves were remembered fondly. 

francis kinloch was a warm summer day, just a little cloudy and a perfect breeze. cinnamon in the air. sweet tea in hand and fresh baked treats. an afternoon in a park, a first kiss under a shady tree, skin shimmering with sweat from overexertion in the summer heat, smiles resonating from a day well spent. 

francis kinloch was a cool summer evening, watching the stars and eating treats. sticky kisses from melted marshmallow or vanilla ice cream. days at the lake and nights under the stars. 

francis kinloch was the first sense of happiness john laurens knew, until he wasn't. 

francis kinloch was a heavy storm cloud, hiding the sun and darkening everything around him. rain from nowhere, ruining a picnic. no shelter to be seen. lightning crashing down, hitting a dead tree. spark of a flame, forest fire. 

francis kinloch was suffocating in thick black smoke, a summers day ruined by revelations. burning, drowning, a season destroyed and tarnished. 

francis kinloch had destroyed the sanctity of new love. 

francis kinloch had cheated. 

first heartbreaks were remembered thusly. 

john laurens had put so much faith, so much love and mercy into the relationship. his first, their first. withered away trying to repair it. always got smoked out. 

left to burn in the ashes of what was. left to choke on thick dark clouds, drown in heavy tears too fast to control.

john laurens had no sense of redemption after that. love was lost, love was hopeless. love was nothing he needed yet everything he wanted. it was a heavy weight crushing down on his chest, pulling at his heart and scratching at his lungs. screaming to experience, to be had, to be wanted and needed again. 

love was a burden john laurens didn't want to carry any longer. 

silence was a friend after that. alone was good to him, alone was safe. relationships were terror, thick black tar that sucked up and spit out whoever got too close. 

fear was an enemy. 

love was an enemy. 

academia was a friend. good grades, good work ethic. no social life, just academia. alone and educated was safer than anything. john laurens needed safe. 

wounds went unhealed. words went unspoken. francis was seen around with whoever, john never kept track. 

alone was safe. 

new york was safer. new york called like a siren, screaming redemption, clean slate. college, a savior bearing the weight of work and focus on broad, atlas shoulders. 

academia was good. protected him. kept relationships away. 

until it didn't. 

until alexander hamilton. 

alexander hamilton was a storm. wind, rain, thunder and lighting. everything john was afraid of. but somehow inviting. a hurricane with arms wide open, beckoning, calling, /begging/ john to join. 

who was he to decline? 

alexander hamilton was the warmth brought along with a hot cup of coffee on a cold winter day. the sweater that kept the chill of the air at bay. the roof and the windows keeping the frost away, held the heat, kept the safety. 

alexander hamilton was joy, happiness, passion, complete exuberance manifested into pure light. blinding, warm, welcoming. easy to hold, easy to love, not something that should be lost. 

alexander hamilton was the reassurance that alone didn't need to be the answer. the companionship to the friendship, to the bests to the more than. 

francis kinloch may have been first love, but alexander was true.

**Author's Note:**

> yo. i wrote this literally at 5:30 am, coming up on 24 hours of no sleep, on the notes of my cell phone. hope y'all like it. 
> 
> until next time,  
> -krys


End file.
